Week 4 – YOLO

So there’s this new saying that’s trending: “YOLO”: You Only Live Once.

I have had the discussion about languages and idioms with quite a few of my friends, and there are many variations on a theme.  For instance, my Hungarian friend says that “if you are going to eat a goose make it a big goose,” and the classic one that will literally apply to me in 13 days is “When in Rome…”

So In the last two weeks I have been having a lot of YOLO moments, which is probably why I haven’t found the need to blog or figure things out, because I am realizing the unrealizable goal: to start living in the moment and embrace the unplanned. I have a friend who doesnt make a lot of commitments because he loves the thrill of adventure and living in the moment. I love some things about this. As long as I make time to manage my commitments.

I have walked the empty Vancouver streets singing pop songs out loud at 1 am holding hands with my best gay friend after having a hurtful moment.

I have delivered a design pitch that, according to my advisors, was “more thoughtful and professional than actual professional consultants” they have seen. See where school and extra-curricular activities intersect now?

I have almost been crushed by a rampant crowd surfer in the second row singing along to my most favourite Calgary band The Dudes at the Vogue theatre while two red heads elbowed me many times (and almost stole the set list… damn those red headed girls.)

I have learned about the governance and finance of a School in a university and student society clubs, about constitutions, quorum, budgets, legality, and how to turn this into good leadership.

I have learned what Roman Hanging Punctuation is, and employed it in my work.

I have begun eating fish, and of all fish, tuna again.

I bought an iPhone!!

I drank 14 shots of hard liquor in one night, danced for hours in my least favourite heels with no pain, and figured out my fascination with meeting strangers for one night, getting to know them extremely well, discovering you have the same favourite Keith Urban song, and going your separate ways.

I ate deep fried squid balls (tako-yaki) at the Richmond Night Market for the first time.

I went to Surrey with high heels, $40, a toothbrush, and my credit card, and stayed an extra unplanned night with the most hospitable family

And most of all, I have spent so much money on my upcoming trip to Europe. I have also decided in the best interest of time, to continue blogging week by week with limited access in Europe.

I am finally ready to do emergency response planning exercises to prepare myself for the trip because I think that I can see the good in my unexpected circumstances and have read up on theft prevention in Rome.

I also painted my toenails hot pink.

I remember last year when I had hot pink nail polish on. The head of the Visual Arts department met with me to talk about my future degree options and he told me that no matter where I went, ”never to lose the thing that makes me put that colour on my nails”

I think I know what he means now. He means never lose your spontaneous inspiration. Never cease to carry it through. And never cease being you, even if you lose yourself in the moment for two weeks.

days eight, nine, and ten | summer

I am sitting outside on the Marine Drive lawn in my favourite “secret” spot that I frequented with my bikini last year when studying for my Chinese history class.

I mentioned a few posts ago how being in MD for another summer has been making me extremely nostalgic for last year, mostly because I can remember every single day of my last 100 days of summer with fondness, love, and appreciated each and every one of them.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about how this year is and will be different.

First of all, I no longer have a muse. (what is the male equivalent of a muse? anyone know?)

Second of all the sun has come out a lot earlier and the heat and humidity are much greater.

Third of all, I will be spending 33% of this summer in Europe. More specifically, as F an I planned parts of our trip last night, Rome, Florence, Italy, Milan, Paris, and London. If you have ever been to any of these places and have suggestions, please message me! I would love to know! Places are always better experienced vicariously than through a travel book.

I have a few theories about summer.

a) summers are the seasons that we learn the most in our lives.

b) summer love is beautiful, fleeting, and strong.

Because of:

a) Time off. Sunshine. Vitamin D. More pleasant people. Jobs instead of studying (more time off) or vacations far away. Longer days. Extra time for reflection. Less commitments. More adventure. Trying new things. More living in the moment because, well what the hell, it’s nice outside and enjoying the day with your family and friends in the sunshine suddenly becomes much more important than work or school. Or it’s just hard to focus because it’s either too hot or too lovely. From a primal perspective, summers are the gathering seasons. That means abundance. For us University students, the saving seasons. Also implying a relatively fleeting abundance.

b) More skin. Beaches. Warm water. Smiles. Those long days and visible sunrises and sunsets. And all of the above.

I oft wonder about places in the world where this season seemingly stretches the entire year. Take Costa Rica for example. You may have a rainy season but I’m (assuming, because I’ve never been there) that it would feel kind of like summer… all the time.

So let’s say these theories apply to places with distinct seasonal change; it exists because of difference. What of it?

We can take advantage of it. We can gather, metaphorically, knowledge, patience, lessons, and memories to last us through the cold dark Canadian winters. That’s why I miss the prairie sky: because they were long, they were cold, they were snowy, but they were always sunny.

In Vancouver, where the sun is chased like a maiden around the beaches and seawalls for four months of California culture, there is a different appreciation for it than the sky in Calgary. It is more like that same appreciation for the season of summer itself here as compared to Costa Rica.

We know now why and how to make the most of those extra summer hours. With ourselves, with our loved ones, reflecting on the things we are grateful for and spending more MOMENTS in the moment. At least that’s how I hope to spend my future summers.

days six and seven | Canada

I haven’t done much reading in the past two days but I have done a lot of experiential learning.

Today’s topic: Canadiana, or, why I have never felt so patriotic in my life until tonight.

What happened today you ask?

Well I learned three things:

1. I do feel a strong love for the True North Strong and Free, and have found it through memory, storytelling, and music.

2. I am gaining a greater respect for and understanding of the First Nations plight in British Columbia through a variety of cultural events and artistic mediums.

3. I really don’t like the raw food movement, and am probably allergic to it.

here’s why:

The True North Strong and Free: ReImagine CBC, Vogue Theatre

No pictures to show because I had a terrible stomach ache. See point #3 that I learned today. You will have to take my word for it.

I bought myself a ticket to ReImagine CBC tonight in Vancouver because I liked the CBC and wanted it to have funding. I didn’t really know much else about what the campaign was about.

Turns out it was part celebrating stories of CBC and Canada and growing up with 10-10/Radio 2/3/CBC Docs/Peter Mansbridge (no, not a name of a bridge)/The National (no, not the band)/Jian Gomeshi/Hockey Night in Canada/ and the likes thereof. It was also part left wing political banter about citizen involvement, shitting on the Harper Government and using cuts to CBC funding as an excuse to do so, and part four beautiful, talented Vancouver musicians performing four soul-chilling acoustic solos and one Canadian anthem who would probably not be here today if it were not for the CBC:

1. Dan Mangan: I had heard a lot of hype about Dan. I do like his music but find the way he speaks strainedly poetic for such a humourous man. Today, I learned that if you rotate a microphone about 35 degrees from another one, you can create an echo. And it is beautiful.

2. Hannah Epperton: such a beautiful girl and such beautiful songs. I recently discovered GRIMES and so this whole looping back on your new recording thing is very new to me.

3. Aidan Knight: the new love of my life from the second he began singing. I’m pretty sure I had a fever but was swooning from his voice.

4. Zachary Graves of the Zolas, who I saw open for PKN WeCoMo last year (on another unrelated note, Coast Modern is released and previewing at Doxa Documentary week this week!):

The last thing that ReImagine CBC was part of, was a dialogue with the ongoing battle of land use rights between First Nations communities and (likely Government regulated) industry in Canada.

The story was of one Sacred Headwater of the Stikine River, whose Tahltan sacred lands have just been approved for the building of a gold and copper mine. This leads me into my second lesson of the past two days, but first, a quote from their advocator Wade Davis who was an extremely articulate and stunning descriptor of the Canadian Landscape:

My country is not a country, it is the winter

The Aboriginal Peoples of British Columbia

Growing up in Alberta, I learned about Native American culture in three different ways: the Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump, a vividly real movie about residential schools, and Self Directed Studies projects on the Plains Indians of Alberta.

Here, there is a constant and consistent dialogue about the presence of First Nations, or rather, our presence on their “unseated” (see: STOLEN) land.

I have been helping with a competition proposal for work that involves the history of a site in Surrey that is on top of a traditional Kwantlen burial ground. That’s all I have to share for that right now, because the project is being submitted soon. After which I hope I can share with you.

I went to see Beat Nation at the Vancouver Art Gallery today and was extremely pleasantly surprised at the depth and quality of the work. I find that most of my pleasantly surprised experiences come from when I have no expectations or a lot of background research on something. Kind of like this exhibit and the event I went to tonight.

Beat Nation is all about using Hip Hop culture as a medium to communicate the messages of a marginalized group in a dominant cultured society. At least that is what I got from it.

My favourite piece: Bear Witness, a DJ, made a beautiful video that mixed popular culture references to “Indians” from movies like Inglorious Basterds and Elizabeth to make a wicked hip-hop deep bass drum graphic compilation. If I can find it, I will post it.

There is some damn good music coming out of Vancouver, both indie rock and Aboriginal hip hop. What a cool place to be in.

My Love letter to Canada

One of the sticky notes I have on my wall of knowledge reads “Nature + Spirituality” and intends to ask me how to find my own spiritual connection to the land that is so sought after to really understanding environmentalism.

For some it is food. For many it is their children and grandchildren (which I won’t have for a few years, so we’ll have to wait). For the First Nations of Canada, it is their home. Their place.

I’m starting to see where, from place and placemaking, that this connection can come. It’s not just yoga and barefeet in the grass that is increasingly perturbed by construction sites at UBC.

It’s the understanding that our home on native land can maybe hold the promise of at once becoming our own native land. The landscape. The land of multiculturalism and opportunity where my dad learned to speak English by driving home with CBC Radio 10-10 on.

Where we celebrate Christmas with hot pot.

Where I grew up making snow forts in my backyard and arguing with my brother about whether we should play in the snow or keep it pristine (I liked it pristine). Where the only snow day I had I got to visit my mom in the hospital and we had Wendy’s for the first time and were allowed to get a toy with our kids meal and they were action figures and I remember the snow being twice as tall as I was.

Where CanCon has introduced me to the state of the food industry, great bands like Tokyo Police Club, Metric, and the Arcade Fire, cartoons like that depressing tugboat show, the Royal Canadian Air Farce and Red Green after dinner when we were allowed to watch TV.

Ketchup. Flavoured. Chips.

Where every single road trip between here at Vancouver had some form of vomit from my stomach as a memory. Where we planted conifer trees, chased my dog as she chased squirrels, at ice cream in Banff, saw deer in Nose Hill Park on a windy run.

Saying “I love you” for the first time under the prairie sky in the canola fields where the only constellation I know is the big dipper because I can see it in the winter from my deck always. Maybe that’s how I find my way home.

What is my sense of place now that it’s been 3 years in one of the most livable cities in the world? The city where I rarely see the stars, the moon, but can see the mountains and the cherry trees that yearn for something more like a Fuji in their midst?

Where will my place be in ten years for my children?

I hope the answer is Canada.

days three, four, and five | comfort + routine

In the past three days I read: the next three essays in Design Ecologies, which I am not going to talk about here. They did, however, prompt me to buy “Massive Change” by Bruce Mau online. 10,000 book collection… here I come.

Today’s topic: missing things and favourite things.

Today I slept in til noon, opened the blinds to see a lovely sun coming from somewhere between all the clouds, put on my comfiest ripped jeans and a crisp white dress shirt and proceeded not to leave the apartment for the entire day.

I have been trying to get into a new routine during the weekdays of exercising at 8am and working 8 hours a day, meaning today was set aside for my SLC volunteer position. I have been spending more time in my room/apartment than I probably did the entire past term because all I did was sleep here during the school term.

Things I have noticed:

- my sitting posture is probably terrible.

- I get easily distracted. Especially by my bed. Especially when I lie down in my bed.

- Four hours of work on your home computer for some reason does not feel as productive as four hours in a studio or office?

- I am literally on the computer all day.

- Marine Drive this summer feels empty. The same kinds of sunsets are happening on the same lawn. And the days are getting longer but I have no desire to go outside. I think last year I felt like I had someone(s) to come home to. Now I am in that limbo period where being in my room on a Saturday at UBC in the beginning of “summer” makes me feel extremely isolated. Nostalgic. Yearning for something I don’t know what.

But what did Julie Andrews tell us to do when we are sad or afraid?

Think of your favourite things. Or do your favourite things.

For me that means getting over the fact that I function strangely and don’t know what to do with myself when I have a blank day on my iCal, go downstairs and workout, have a nice hot shower, put Almost Famous on in the background while I do some more work.

I know I said it is dangerous to love your work. But when you have nothing else you’d rather do, why not?

There is no such thing as a wasted day when you are aware of your actions, intent aside.

For instance, I know this is a shitty blog, and I didn’t meet my expectations for this past day.

One day in may I will be here.

Productivity is a personal measure.

day two | bruce mau + optimism

Today I read

Bruce Mau, Design and the Welfare of All Life

Today’s topic:

Optimism.

Bruce Mau was a great way to start this summer project. Why? Because he is an optimist. And he believes that design is inherent in everything we do. The fact that the future will be full of designers designing every decision, he argues, is a good thing because where decisions have been left to accident, neglect runs rampant. Look at the state of our global environment. Now look back at the master plan. What master plan, might you ask? 

Exactly.

Yesterday I mentioned how my teachers have helped make me a critical optimist. Which is why I was (sort of.. serendipity is my word of the year) shocked to see Mau talk about the exact same thing in the opening essay to Design Ecologies: Essays on the Nature of Design:

Very early in the process of Massive Change we developed a position that has become absolutely critical to our work and to the way that we think: we are committed to a critical method that generates positive outcomes. In other words, we are not looking for a critical outcome that says things are all-over bad…

The emphasis on positive outcomes was perhaps the greatest challenge for the [Institute without Borders] students, because so much of our culture – our culture of art, design, and architecture – is oriented around the negative…

We asked: why is there such a negative feeling and is it justified? Is it more sensible to be cynical and pessimistic, or is it more intelligent to be optimistic and try to understand what’s going on?

If people are convinced things are bad and getting worse, they behave selfishly… Optimism begets openness.

Now I see why when I talk to designers about potential projects, things I am working on, it is usually productive and constructive. They ask me the critical questions that take it to a higher level. And when I talk to my family and friends who are not in the same mindset or field or background, they ask me the critically “well what if this happened, that wouldn’t work in the real world, you’re so idealistic but that sounds cool in theory” questions.

He goes on to discuss a couple of themes I have been thinking about lately: teamwork, and designing in systems with unexpected outcomes.

Firstly, he makes clear that where before, the romanticized Renaissance man, so to speak, has been expected time and time again from ancient Rome to Buckminister Fuller to save humanity with their jack of all trades genius (see: the Fountainhead), they were able to achieve the quality and quantity of work that they did because they had a team. A team that could add up to the manpower of a superman, in other words. And I really am having a hard time seeing where 8 critical brains could be worse than 1.

They were also able to achieve it because 1) it’s Bruce Mau, come on, and 2) because there was no set outcome.

This is what happens when you place students in the face of real world problems, set the bar extremely high (ask them to design for the welfare of all living things) and take away the expectation of a set outcome with a set grade and “real world limitations”.

I see why now my teachers have asked me to be less pragmatic, less predictable, more open to the unknown.

Because everything is really unknown. Nobody knows what the future of anything looks like. If we start thinking that anything could happen. Really, anything. Then maybe it will.

He uses the example of needing 4 earths to sustain the world if everyone lived like the average American, and goes on to say it may be the most positive thing we have ever heard. Because we know that it doesn’t work. And that makes the future that much more better.

Today, I am grateful for: being a bookworm all of my life, having the willpower to roll out of bed to go swimming (but no willpower to stop myself from napping anyways), feedback, depth, and optimism.

The random question board assembled for a video presentation of a Design Manifesto in February: look at the top left of the page (bottom right of the image because I cannot get it to rotate) at the first question that was answered.

day one | second beginnings

taste: apples and peanut butter

tunes: Billy Joel

scent: new candle that smells suspiciously like the cologne one of my best friends who is home for the summer wears. Bergamot and oakmoss. He says it is impossible but I say you are not smelling this candle right now. I think I will have to put it away permanently now..

Tonight on the bus home after having had a great vegetarian meal at my boss/teacher/colleague’s house and dinner meeting in the West End and I was reflecting on how… awesome this summer is going to be.

Oh and last night, I registered for a Half Marathon.

In t-minus 100 days I will be running 21.1km in the first Lululemon SeaWheeze down through Downtown Vancouver, Stanley Park, up to West 4th, through yaletown and Main Street, and back to the waterfront.

This time last year I had to say the hardest thing I’ve probably ever had to say to someone: that I didn’t love them anymore.

This time last year I had no idea what kind of future I had alone in a city away from home.

This time today I have a new goal and have so many things to be… grateful for. There are the big G’s again. Why grateful, as opposed to “blessed” or “lucky”?

Because I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and because of a reason. Especially since I have a stake in my own future and fate. When good things come my way, I feel semi responsible. And that is not to say I just… get everything I want. I am responsible in some way for accidents too. I think everyone can attest to that.

GRATUITIES:

I am grateful for the past school year that has pushed me to learn more about the world and how to see it than ever before.

I am grateful for the job I have working for one of my teachers that I did not have to hunt extensively and forfeit values and work for free for. And yes, what we do in school is extremely relevant and related to what is done in the industry. That is an extremely relieving realization.

I am grateful for the opportunity to design an entire conference theme and branding for next year’s Student Leadership Conference from day 1 to January 14th. To take a whole committee’s vision (the vision for the best conference ever, to add) and put it on paper. We have a wicked communications and promotions team. UBC, get ready.

I am grateful for my amazing friends who, although they are thinning out each day and leaving for the summer, I have shared unforgettable memories with in the past year. For telling me how big of a nerd and overachiever I am and for forcing me to go to bars, eat terrible food, and be spontaneous.

I am grateful for all my new friends and old friends who I am not that close to who I know I will be seeing a lot more of this summer and getting to know extremely well.

I am grateful for my parents. Always. My dad who will come to Vancouver for business trips and take me out for delicious dinners with exciting desserts, like a glorified PB&J sandwich complete with tiny glass of milk with a straw made out of a vanilla white chocolate wafer thing.

Vanilla sponge cake, blueberry and blackberry jams, and a chocolate/peanut butter whipped cream topping. Complete with glass of milk and tiny edible straw. Amazing.

My mom, who sends care packages with six travel guides because she knows I know nothing about the places I am travelling to this summer. She also sent me running socks. If you are a runner, rejoice at mothers who send you running socks.

I am grateful for my brother, for making me feel like a big sister and a little sister at the same time.

I am grateful for the opportunity to go to the continent of Europe this summer for the first time, and all of the discovery and adventures that will bring.

I am grateful for the tears I have cried because they make me feel human, as lame as that sounds.

I am grateful for J and his drunkenness and heart to hearts and excited at the idea of living together next year.. as long as we have a dishwasher.. that is a prerequisite.

I am grateful for E, my SLC director and silly kitty twin in Australia who is well on her way to become the best policy maker and homemaker that I know.

I am grateful for all my classmates who have challenged me and supported me and gone through all of the stress and celebrations together with me.

And most of all, my teachers. You provide the theory, philosophy, drive, inspiration, and reason for everyday life. For why we, I, do what we/I do.

You are the reason I will read one chapter of a book or an article everyday before bed, and blog about it. You are the reason I am getting up at 9am to do work on my own computer in my own home when I could just sleep til noon and get away with it. You are the reason I cannot see concrete or window spandrel panels quite the same way anymore. You are the reason I strive to incorporate AS MANY big words into my sentences as possible. You are the reason I questioned my leadership style for the first time in my life. You are the reason I now consider myself a critical optimist. You are the reason I don’t take things at face value, but rather at historical value first. You are the reason I am going to Rome, Italy to have my own Eat, Pray, Love… even if it is only the Eat part.

So begins my summer of knowledge.

To training on good runs, eating good food, being with good friends, and doing good work.

100 Days of Summer, 2.0, of which exactly one third (33 days) will be spent on another continent, blogging from internet cafes. 

99 days left.

Personal Incentive vs. Individualism [+ an architectural take]

The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand vs. “How to buy Happiness” TED Talk by Michael Norton

It took me almost a year to slowly get through the acclaimed 700 page novel about a struggling architect in New York, shown here:

and 10 minutes and 59 seconds of cereal munching on Tuesday morning to watch the TED Talk shown here:

The premise of Norton’s discussion is that Money can buy you Happiness, but only as long as you spend it not on yourself.

The premise of Ayn Rand’s discussion/life thesis/excruciatingly intent amount of “objectivism” discourse that I could only handle because of the excellent love story, is that man is inherently individualistic and that there is no such thing as true altruism/selflessness as we are always acting in the interest of ourselves.

From a surface level the two arguments would appear to clash.

But when you look closely, the two theories actually are quite similar:

If our ultimate be all end all goal is to be… happy. In some way shape or form of the word. Then, if we are happier by giving to others, are we not acting inherently in our own personal interest? We are buying that other person a coffee so that we can be happy. The primary motive is not the other person’s well being or condition. It is to make ourselves better off by elevating those around us.

The idea that personal incentive and motive is selfish and inconsiderate is untrue. Thom Yorke was right when he said you do it to yourself, just you, you and noone else.

I went to a conference in March about sustainability leadership in business. The essential “business model for sustainability” was:
1. Get to know the right people, the higher ups
2. Tell them your ideas
3. Don’t get too upset if they steal your ideas, because in the end, what matters is that the idea is out there

What’s wrong with this model? What is wrong with thinking that you are a better person if you are selfless? Indeed the most selfless people know how to take care of themselves first, and keep themselves happy, before they can make others. It is maybe as much about role modelling as it is about selflessness.

Instead of evaluating your success and goodness as a person by what other people think of you and by how much you give, expecting something in return, ask yourself if it might be more fulfilling to do something because you know by helping others it will benefit you. Biologically we are not atuned to parasitic relationships. Why seek them out?

On another note, I bought happiness on Monday, before I saw that TED Talk. I went out shopping to avoid narcoleptically napping all day, and decided to buy some birthday presents for J, my brother, and my dad. I went to my favourite stores, but was not interested and had no desire to buy anything I tried on. But I was extremely intent and thrilled to find presents for people… I even bought one for someone I didn’t intend to get something for. But I found it and thought it was perfect. And I even got to make an art project out of it, and think it will serve as a lovely memory.

STARCHITECT vs. ARCHITECTURE AS A COLLABORATIVE PROFESSION

I have had ample opportunity to reflect on our studio environment in Ends and diagnose that Rand is probably right. Although I don’t think it has to be as harsh and binary of an example that her book is.

The reason our studio provides such good psychoanalytical fodder for analysis is that, first, that we work in a team environment where we are faced with the task everyday to better ourselves in the name of competition and marks and having the best idea or best project in the class, or if we want to share resources and sites and ideas with the intent of still producing the best possible work. Which has the better end product? And which has the better relationships? These are all things we have to keep in mind when making decisions. I am not saying that one is better than the other. That is for you to decide.

The second reason is that Ayn Rand’s book chose the architectural profession as a context for her theories for a reason. Architects are often romanticized for being the glorified individual human being whose individual creative mind is the fountainhead or foundation for all existence. As Roark says in his court plea at the end of the book, throughout human history, great men have been hated, have been shorned for being against the grain. Yet they have also been the ones who advanced technology and created real progress for rejecting the past and standing up for what they believed in, no matter what other people thought.

“Starchitects” and high acclaim are highly sought after but rarely won in this profession. And the reason is that design is inherently now biased toward a collaborative process. How can you build something void of community context, interests, and regards? If a good leader is, as Bjarke Ingels said in his lecture on April 12th at the Chan Centre, the one who can best understand the vision of a large group of individuals, should a good architect not be the best who can understand the vision of a group of clients?

Do you lose all of your individuality and personality as a designer if you make compromises to the building board, to other people’s taste, to other’s demands, to their personal interest?

Similarly, do you lose your individuality and personality as an individual if you make compromises to your friend groups, your parents, your teachers, your peers, and their personal interests?

It is a question of personal values.

For me, it comes down to this:

Do you love someone or something enough to compromise your values for them? Because in the end, love for others only grows with love for yourself and it is a mutually beneficial symbiotic relationship.

A friend of mine, who has been in a long term committed relationship for six years, imparted one piece of advice for approaching all your relationships on our class a few months ago:

To always be compromising, but uncompromisingly yourself.

In your work. In your relationships. And with yourself. Good words to live by.

2012/04/23/YVR

Today I went to a place of no places;

a place full of faces

waiting to go home.

And all I could do was smile.

Answers

My last blog post was over two months ago. Let’s talk about that.

Instead of ranting about the last two months and the ups and downs and highlights and everything that has happened inbetween, I hope to instead use this opportunity to close a chapter on a stressful and rewarding period of school life and look forward to this summer.

As many of you know, this blog was and still in many ways has always been a summer project. The themes arrived at in summer have been reiterated over and over again. And the people I talk about are mostly the same.

PRESENT.

My view today in the afternoon ocean breeze

Today, I forced myself to leave my computer and iPod at home (and was later forced by J to turn my phone off as well), parked my butt behind a log at Kits beach, and did some solid reflection. These are the results from my spring hibernation.

I spent the entire bus ride meditating on a quote that, for whatever reason, was stuck in my head. Our studio teacher, ML, told it to us in the middle of class in the middle of the term, along with a million other things that have no context or meaning whatsoever in my notebook that he told us to look into. More on that later.

Seeing is forgetting the name of the thing one sees.

– Robert Irwin, American Artist

Coming out of my first year of Ends I would have to say that I cannot and will not see the world the way I did the day before I began the program. Physically, aesthetically, of course, but also spatially, contextually, socio-politically, and most importantly, the way I perceive myself and the work I do has changed.

PAST.

Moss on the original Ponderosa Building at UBC by Thompson, Berwick, and Pratt, which I will be sad to see demolished in the next year.

It was low tide. Of course it was. Remember May 20th last year? Remember low tide? It makes sense that my reflection began, as it always does and along with so many things, with you. Something about endings. About not knowing where I would or should go the next hour or day. Just as long as I had you there in some way. And now, I thought to myself, just as long as I have myself.

Immediately after concluding that I had “found” and “become” my true self [for the time being], I stopped caring about this blog.

Stopped caring is maybe too harsh. Stopped updating. These moments of solitude, reflection, yoga, and consequently, you, the idea of us, and everything it connotated has been pushed to the outer boundaries of my mind. Where did that reflection and atmosphere of growth that I so valued disappear into?

Most of all the past two months have been filled with two realizations:

1. That I felt I had spent enough time working on myself, making myself a better person, that I should focus my energies elsewhere to give back to everyone, to teach, to facilitate learning, to share
2. That I can and will spend 12 or more hours in studio and class without food or sleep of even taking a break because I was doing something that I truly loved… 
3. With someone I thought I loved.

There is a self critical tinge to the last two points.

In response:

1. Giving and sharing with others does not mean commitment to the point that you have nothing left for yourself at the end of the day. It does not mean you come home and watch movies and TV shows instead of really spending time being alone with yourself. It does not mean that you push yourself until things are not in your control anymore and you still feel responsible. It means you bring your gift everyday and share it with every individual in a big or small way, whatever that may mean.
2. Knowing that you love your work is a dangerous, dangerous thing. It does not mean that you become a workaholic who takes no time to decompress and feel a greater purpose to your work over eating properly, calling best friends, making OTHER commitments. It does not mean that on your first day off, you go to work for 4 hours because school has taken up every waking hour in the past month. It means taking a freaking day off because if you do anything for too long, you will probably hate it.
3. Every waking hour with one person for a month and a half can also somewhat kill you. And parts of your friendship.
   Love is relentless. It is the greatest gift that you can offer, to your work, to your family, to your friends. Not with the intent of getting something BACK from what you love, of hopes of being the better, more caring person, or that they will understand. It is an extension of yourself into another human being. It’s value is to inspire you.
   I use the word love a lot. Some may think too liberally. But I think most people are over sensitive about it. It is not something you save, it is something to be shared, appreciated, told. I think to live without knowing what love is or acknowledging it is to shelter yourself indoors in a conditioned environment, not knowing the value and beauty of change, nature, and variance for fear of.. something.

FUTURE.

Mine and B's labour of love (i.e. the reason I have not blogged or slept properly for the last two months): our building and landscape design for the Ponderosa Commons project at UBC.

In my exit interview in Studio, I was given one piece of advice. To be less pragmatic. To push myself where I don’t know where the consequences are. To be less intent on the answer. To produce great work by not knowing the direction it is going, at all.

Nobody has ever told me that before. But I think it is completely appropriate and called for. And as with most good advice, it can be applied to more than one area of life. Design, and day to day actions.

This summer so far only has a volunteer graphic design position, intern positions at two small design firms, a trip to Europe for the month of June, and 10 days at home for the 100th anniversary of the Stampede.

This is my summer of knowledge. One book chapter or article every day. One reflection every other. Learn like a sponge and hope it takes me somewhere.

My next question for you, and for myself, is:

How do you go about planning for the unknown?

How do you go about expecting an answer that is not an answer? Intent on finding what you don’t know how to look for?

How do you find yourself in others? How do you let themselves find it in you?

How do you operate outside of what people think you should do, if it does not comply with what you want to do?

And what if the answer is no?

VAN/MTL/TO

I have been offline for two weeks due to a tumultuous hell week consisting of two midterms and three presentations, a co/post valentines day debacle and resolution, a 20th birthday, and 24 hours of transit to and from Vancouver/Montreal/Toronto for reading break. Oh and yeah, some reading. That too.

This being my first real trip sans-parentals, but still with my bro-bro, travelling is a whole new experience. I found myself constantly comparing what I was seeing and experiencing with what I already knew. I also had based all of my trip planning exclusively off of recommendations from friends who have either lived in or visited both places, Urban Spoon and Chowhound.com reviews, a foggy memory of Montreal 5 years ago as a swimmer, and A Guidebook to Contemporary Architecture in Toronto.

For you dear readers, a comparative and highly photo-documented analysis on the basis of three criteria of Canada’s arguably most famous and cultured metropolitan cities. Full photo albums are on Facebook.

1. Urban Fabric

I came into this brief visit to the East with an intense love for Vancouver and everything it stands for. I identified so much with Vancouver’s culture and design, so much so that people frequently ask me if I grew up here, and my friends send me links like this and this. I have since been humbled.

I love all cities for what they are now, and recognize that URBANISM exists as a certain kind of heterotopia. You cannot continually push the low income families further and further east. You cannot obliterate historic buildings and build multi-million dollar “green” ones on top. It is all very unsustainable.

Vancouver has sort of an air of elitism; everything is clean and new, we gentrify our historical districts without second thought, and neighbourhood division is extremely segregated. We buy into stereotypes, specifically that of “hongcouver”: a phenomenon previously unnoticed by me until got the chance to compare it to Toronto and Montreal. These are the hearts of true multiculturalism and ethnic diversity. Instead of the splitting, ever moving “cool communities” in Van, Chinatown, Little Portugal, the University, Yorkville, and the historic districts are all layered on top of each other, creeping into one anthers’ boundaries, and influencing the exterior urban space. My favourite part of Toronto was how old neo-gothic buildings were literally a few centimetres away from new, modern designs, and how designers have dealt with it.

Vancouver Community Stereotype Map

the best illustration of how Toronto deals with history & modernity in their built structure, at U of T

Maybe I am starstruck at seeing a new city so unlike my own.

In terms of Park design, I would say all three cities are at par with creativity, location within cities, and historical value.

Parc Jean-Drapau in Montreal. Winter programming includes snow tubing, skating, cross country skiing, an ice village, snowshoeing, and the year-round biosphere

Yorkville Park, Toronto. Nestled within an upscale district, it recreates different bioregions of the Canadian Shield with an interpretive landscape design.

the manmade beach at Toronto's waterfront reminded me of Vancouver-based Loose Affiliates' Picnurbia installation in downtown Vancouver this summer (see below)

Picnurbia, Robson Square

The reason I love historic buildings is their patina, or as my mom would say, the accumulation of souls and experience (there is a word for it in Chinese.. it escapes me now) in a space that renders it preservable, and opposes destruction.

I have a newfound respect for the grandeur of old buildings. And hope that can only be furthered by a possible trip to Europe this summer (fingers crossed! airline prices are skyrocketing for the Olympics!)

2. Art & Design

MOA < ROM with the exception of Vancouver’s love and dedication to First Nations studies and art

VAG < AGO with the same exception, inclusive of Emily Carr. But who needs a permanent Emily Carr exhibition when you have a permanent Group of Seven Collection? Seriously? Lawren Harris? come on.

Pecha Kucha Night Vancouver > Pecha Kucha Night Toronto. BY FAR. Cause + Affect could take out that annoying cutesy MC anyday for me.

I think the quality of the PKN’s in respective cities talk about the young designers in each cities. There are so many exciting projects in Vancouver in regards to sustainability, design, innovative collectives and design firms, and rethinking how we live. While I love this (I feel like I am using the word Love very liberally today), it also makes me realize the potential to bring my experience of living in this scene in Vancouver, to a city like Toronto (for grad school perhaps?) or back to hometown Calgary to see how we can improve the culture of a city. Just a thought.

Rank the cities in order of “Canadianism” or embodiment of Canadian Spirit

1. MTL

Maisonneuve founding Montreal by placing the cross atop Mount Royal, depicted in a stained glass window in the Notre Dame Basilica

2. TO

for those of you who do not immediately understand the irony, this is a Canada Goose wearing a Canada Goose Jacket, spray painted on the side of a building on Queen's street West

3. VAN

Stanley Park.

3. Food

Dumplings – After three years of living in Vancouver I have yet to find an accessible and cheap and tasty Chinese restaurant to frequent, much less a dumpling shop (maybe they are all in Richmond? WHY?!). Eastern Canada wins.

Qing Hua Dumplings, Montreal. These steamed Tofu dumplings were delicious: I have never seen tofu in a dumpling achieved so well!

boiled chive and glass noodle dumplings at Mother's Dumplings, Chinatown Toronto.

Veggie Food – Vancouver always wins with vegetarian and vegan options, but really you just have to look hard enough in all other places. Case & Point, Urban Herbivore in Kensington Market, TO:

Our grain bowl: sauteed musrooms, cooked beets, snow peas, bbq tofu, fried cauliflower, and broccoli on a bed on lentils and quinoa

Sesame tempeh with olive tapenade, greens, and four other tasty sauces which I don't remember on a fresh foccacia with coleslaw

Sushi – Vancouver always wins. No competition.

Diversity – I would say Montreal wins in this category because we had Indian food, Japanese, Poutine, Chinese, and more all within walking distance in the span of three days. Vancouver comes a close tie second for innovative fusion cuisine and really well kept small business such as Banana Leaf Malaysian, Burgoo, and Nuba Mediterranean. While we did have a lot of different ethnic food in Toronto, I was pretty spaced out regarding where it was. It was also cheaper.

4. Graduate Architecture Schools

McGill University

Duration of program: 3.5 years including the qualifying year, if you choose the thesis option. The non-thesis option is half a year shorter.
Compatability with B.Ends Degree: you have to fill out a form analyzing any courses you have taken in your undergrad in comparison with the McGill B.Sc. in Architecture in order to be exempt from any courses. Students, even if they hold a design undergraduate degree, typically complete a varied “qualifying year”. Accepts around 50 students per year? Did not confirm.
Travel Abroad and Co-op: sometimes there are study abroad terms, but every year there are definitely reading break trips. No Co-op, but requires 6 months of work experience at an architecture or design firm in order to be eligible for admission.
Location within City: very central, right beside Mount Royal and a few blocks away from great food and shopping.
Philosophy of school: couldn’t really tell from the visit, but from their website, emphasis on structures and an engineering-based approach
Facilities: were alright. They were a little better than UBC’s in that Community Planning, Landscape, and Architecture were in the same building. The building itself is a 6-7 storey part neo-classical, part-neo gothic that has years of architectural history embedded in it. It is the oldest school of the four.

University of Toronto

Duration of program: 3.5 years
Compatability with B.Ends Degree: Ends students have never been given advanced standing in the past, but there is always a possibility. Applicants are offered a 1st or second year standing based on their application. If you think you can skip the first year (which I think we can) you can appeal or fill out course exemption forms. They accept 65-70 students every year.
Study abroad and Co-op: There are summer study abroad studios for six weeks every summer. Past places have included Beijing, Holland, Rio. No Co-op or entire term abroad. Reading week breaks typically also occur.
Location within City: extremely central, steps away from Chinatown, Kensington Market, subway, the ROM, and the rest of downtown TO.
Philosophy of school: URBANISM in all caps for a reason.
Facilities: U of T’s architecture school recently underwent a multimillion dollar reno completed in 2004, and it shows. Their library is fantastic. Their studios are similar to those of UBC’s masters students, except the windows are bigger. Also, Urban Design, Landscape Architecture, and Architecture all share a space and building and workshops.

UBC

Duration of program: 2.5 years
Compatability with B.Ends Degree: Ends students can skip half a year of courses and replace them with electives. They only take 2 students from Ends every year, out of the 35 spots available.
Location within City: isolated on a peninsula. It’s own little town. The Downtown studio lease ended last year, so all classes take place on the UBC campus. A new building to house all of SALA and SCARP will likely not be completed for another 5-10 years.
Travel abroad and Co-op: both are available. UBC has the most study abroad options, including entire studio terms away, like they are doing in Tokyo next term, and summer abroad trips and co-op placements. They are expensive, but likely worth it.
Philosophy of school: modernism, modernism, modernism. With a touch of sustainability.
Facilities: by nature of having all the years and departments of SALA split up, we lack a unity to the faculty. Leslie is changing this. It will likely be a lot more comprehensive in two years. Our facilities are all average: the masters’ studios are definitely better. The community within classes is very strong.

University of Calgary

Duration of program: 2.5 years
Compatability with B.Ends Degree: potential to skip the first year of the program with a form comparing course content similar to McGill’s. Not sure how many students are accepted per year.
Travel Abroad and Co-op: has travel abroad opportunities, most likely reading break and summer as well.
Location within City: in the NW quadrant, near to the C-Train and shopping facilities. Calgary is the definition of suburbia. You need a car to get around.
Philosophy of school: digital and mathematics
Facilities ??? anyone been there? care to share?